Out of sight and of Mind
I worked with the old and mentally retarded. I heard people all the time tell me how they loved their children and their grandparents. They loved them so much that they sent them to me. They put them out of sight and out of mind. I knew better then most people that some times it is to hard. That not every body has the qualifications for taken care of some one that is M.R. (mentally retarded) that needs 24 hour watching. And yet in all my time working with those people I meet only two that needed 24 hour sir valence. Most where very independent. Their family however put them there. I learned not to mind so much. Mostly because it gave me a great job and people that I have loved more then I know how. I went thru so much with them. I wake them, dressed them, feed them, showered them, got them to work, played with them, and basically lived with them. Then as with all things I watched some die. Others passed away while I was not there but still came to hear of it quickly. And in all this time the family was in the dark. It was funny cause we would get in trouble allot with them cause we did not keep them informed, but really why didn’t they ask? Why didn’t they come to visit? Joseph Smith said that there is no sweeter joy then the voice of a friend, or something like that. I came to know that for a reality there. In the few occasions that family did come their faces would be filled with joy. They would have no problems. They would have little thought for them self, for the most part. I stress how ever that these visits where few and far between. Now that I have had time to look back and think of these experiences. I wonder what was so important that they thought that their job or their social life where more important. To anyone reading this thinking of reasons why I am mistaken or that I can’t understand. Think of this who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself.
Judge of the Whetten's spoke @ 12/07/2004 04:42:00 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
Man! I feel so guilty! I'm going to visit my dad this week for sure! Thanks for the wake up call.
Posted by sharon
I totally know man. I have worked with those people, although I call them DD (developmentally disabled).
When i was caregiving in a group home like setting for dd adults, the clients that were visited by their parents often were always so much easier to work with. I had this one client who's dad came to visit her once a week. That doesn't seem like much, but he was 80. He was the cutest, sweetest old man, and he loved his daughter. Of course she was there because he was no longer able to take care of her. I loved it when he came, because she was always so happy for the rest of the day.
Yet, there are those clients that make you wonder why their family would abandon them. Of course, living with a dd person is hard work, and it requires a lot of attention. Trust me! But, as a family member, it is your duty to make sure that they are being taken care of. Even if that means putting them in a home, thats ok, but come see them once in a while.
They are people too, and need family and friends just as much. It is so heart braking to have a client ask you to call her mom, and she tells you that she is too busy. That has actually happened to me.
Those dd people that come into the caf with caregivers sometimes are the greatest, because I miss being with those people. They are closer to Christ than we ever will be, because they are like children, as we often forget to be. I love them, because I see Christ in their eyes. It is obvious that they are being taken care of.
Posted by Momma Jolley
wow...i had an experience in an "home for the aged" community, and took care of this 91-year-old woman. During my first time at work, I often imagined that woman as my mom in the future. I couldn't bear the thought that someday, she'll be like that woman. Right at that moment, I also had the same thoughts..where is her family? She's confined in such a place. Her son was there then (the only one who looks after her). I heard her say, "get me out of here". It's pretty obvious that she doesn't want to be there anymore. She's 91 years old. I kept on wondering why her children don't pay a visit to her. It really hurt me just thinking about such things..but I know God keeps an eye on them. I hope that she still lives longer, but nobody can tell. I just hope her family would pay her a visit before she pass away..i'll never do that to my parents. Just thinking about not paying my parents a visit hurts me already.
Posted by pOiSoN_iVy
"Out of Site Out of Mind"
Haha, what an appropriate blog to begin the disappearing act! Where's everyone gone to? I'm ready for some updates.
Posted by Singapore Girl
I feel your pain. That's wretched to see people abandon their families for their own status. I mean, why else would you not even visit? Is denial so important to these people? Sickening.
I speak with anger because it reminds me of my sons dad. My son has no developmental problems, his dad is just a selfish jerk too busy to be bothered by a little thing called parenting.
I have many many times pondered how it is people can do this. How do you abandon your own kin? And people do it in so many ways (my dad tried to OD when I was home alone with him. I was maybe 4 years old. My mom came home, thank goodness.) Some people live with their families but spend all their time in a medicated haze, or "working" or watching TV. There are many ways to abandon people.
The conclusion I've come to is that some people are incapable of love. At least they recognize it (in some form) and take their family member to people who can actually provide more love and care than they are able to. It's sad, but the people we should really pity are the people incapable of loving and caring for other people. It must be a cr*ppy lonely existence.
That's for the rant. I feel better.
*steps down off of soapbox*
Posted by introspectre