Food for Thought: The Cafeteria Chronicle

2006-04-10T11:42:00.000-10:00

Death

2005-10-29T11:52:00.000-10:00

This past week, our Stake Clerk, Pat Fraley, suffered a brain aneurysm and passed away. Everyone knew that Pat was not in good health. He was a big man that probably had high blood pressure and to some extent, hardening of the arteries. But yet he died of something that could happen to any of us and is not always related to being out of shape and overweight.

For those not familiar with what an aneurysm is, it is when a blood vessel bursts. They can happen anywhere in your body, but can be fatal if they happen in the brain. My Father’s mother died from this, as did a third grade teacher at my elementary school. Aneurysms are a fairly common thing that can end one’s life.

It just goes to show that our time on this planet can end at any time. Pat’s business, after many years of struggle and toil, was beginning to take off. His last child got married a couple of years ago, and he had a happy relationship with his wife. From what I know of him, he was a good man, who did the best he knew how, and helped people as a bishop, and employer.

I have thought about how I might punch my ticket. While working at the glass plant, there were a few times each day where I could have been killed. Each and every day I prayed for safety and was blessed with it. But what is stopping me from having an aneurysm, or be struck by lightening? The answer is nothing.

Oh, it is true that you can eat right, exercise daily, abstain from drugs and alcohol, and still get hit by a semi going down the interstate negating your efforts to live longer in seconds. You could go to a Mongolian grill and, without your knowledge, eat some bad mushrooms and die.

Death is a certainty. We can do our best to put it off, but nevertheless, each and all of us will one day end up toes up. So with that in mind, quit wasting time on things that matter least and spend your time on those things that matter most.

Spooky

2005-07-20T17:14:00.000-10:00

Every Thursday night the Sci Fi Network airs “Ghost Hunters”. A show where a team of professional paranormal investigators goes to different places and investigates phenomenon of a supposed paranormal nature.

They meet with people that are not too different from people that we know and also folks that creep me out more then the thought of dead people in my room while I sleep.

I do believe in the paranormal to a degree. As pretty devout Latter-day Saint, I believe in a spirit world and a life after this, along with the host of heaven cast down for their rebellion in the pre-mortal life. But I wonder to what extent the “other” world intrudes upon our own.

Living in Hawaii I heard many superstitions and legends that are held by the locals. Some that came to mind were the Night marchers along with how you should never take pork over the Pali highway at night.

I had an experience in the house that I used to live that I attribute to sleep deprivation and too much pizza, cokes, and television before going to sleep.

So does anyone have any stories to share? Anything tales that make the hairs on the back of you neck to stand up? If so, I would like to hear them.

Eeking By

2005-07-01T04:50:00.000-10:00

Getting through college is not that difficult. Basically, if you show up to your classes and put forth a minimal effort, your teachers will give you a passing grade and send you on your way. But is this really what you want?

Believe it or not, in striving to do well in classes you can develop something that many young people lack which is a solid work ethic and the ability to stay with a project until it is finished. These two things are essential in getting and keeping a job.

When an employer looks at a GPA, it answers several questions that they want answered. “How hard will this person work”, and “What is the quality of their work”? If I were looking at two students with degrees in the same field and one had an A and the other a C, I would take the A student.

The A student has demonstrated, in a measurable way, that they have achieved a higher level of mastery then a C student. I know that there are exceptions, but by and large it holds that a person who has taken the time to do well in the course work, will take the time to do well on the job.

But in most fields, it does not matter what your grades were. All that matters is if you can pass licensing and certification exams that are used by your specific field. These can be quite rigourous, and merely passing demonstrates that you have the know how to work in the given field. This, combined with a good grade point average will provide opportunities that you would not have otherwise. I know of people who did great in college but could not get hired because they could pass the licensing examinations.

But here is another fact that we rarely consider. You don’t need a degree to be successful. I know of many individuals who have made, and will make far more money in their lives then my father who holds a bachelors degree in business, and a masters degree in nuclear engineering.

In the end, you will be better off if you work hard at something and do a good job then if you just eek by.

Be an achiever, not an eeker.

Grade Grubbers...

2005-06-26T09:44:00.000-10:00

Right now many students around the globe are logging on to check their grade for the first short term of the summer (called Spring at BYU-H). I am immune to bad grades this time thankfully. Even if I wasn't, I don't think I'd care as much as I used to anyway.

About a year ago I still had my bright and shiny 4.0. Ever since I slipped off of that slope my concern has ebbed away. I still have a respectable 3.89, but my GPA is not a high priority any more. It made me think about motivation.

What is our motivation for good grades? Many people say that it is because we want to get good jobs. I don't think that's enough. When I lost my 4.0 a friend asked me,

"What do you call a doctor who got C's in college? Doctor."

It makes sense. In job interviews they ask about your degrees and experience, not your grade point average.

Other people say they don't want to let their family down. Many people at BYU-H are international students on scholarships and families at home pay a good part of the education. But again, passing with a B- is not going to get you through school faster or cheaper than an A.

That is, unless you need your GPA to get you scholarships. That is one valid motivation. High GPAs get more scholarships. But I have been passed by for scholarships many times due to my ethnicity and because I did not show enough of an financial need. So, really, it's not the best or most sustaining motivation.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced of my new theory. Most people, including myself, are really motivated by one thing, pride. If you keep analyzing people's reasons for wanting good grades eventually you will scrape enough off the surface off to see pride as the core issue. I guess it was for me.

Once I lost my 4.0, I could not boast about it any more. Since I had been compelled to be humble about my grades I just gave up. Sad, but I think admitting this helps.

Am I missing some motivations? Am I wrong? Do you claim to be driven by something more noble? What keeps you grade grubbing?

Oaks and Wolf

2005-06-18T16:07:00.000-10:00

I listened to a fascinating interview with the great modern American novelist Tom Wolf. For those not familiar with his writings, Wolf has written on a wide variety of topics in his novels that are related to the times in which we live. For example his novel “Bonfire of the vanities” has been hailed by critics as the novel about the 1980’s, along with his novel “A man in full” Wolf has established himself as someone who accurately observes and reports, through fiction, about what is going on in society, like Dickens or Dostoyevski.

In his latest novel “I am Charlotte Simmons” Wolf focuses in on what life is like for the eighteen to twenty-something college student in the United States. He went to many Universities talked with hundreds if not thousands of students and simply spent time with them looking at how they lived, studied, and spent their spare time.

One thing that is interesting is that Wolf, not a member of the Church (In fact most active members would find what he writes offensive), lamented that students don’t date anymore. They hang out and hook up. He believes that this along with rampant promiscuity and a “life is one big party” mentality will have a negative effect in the years to come as the baby boomers die out, and the Flower Children of the sixties enter retirement.

It is interesting that Tom Wolf, not a member of the Church, would point to the death of dating culture as a sign that something is amiss in society. He also was shocked to discover how little is required of college students as opposed to students in prior decades who worked themselves silly trying to meet demands that today’s modern college student would consider impossible and not even attempt to meet.

Dating takes allot of effort, but the benefits are much more desirable then hanging out. Last night I went on one and had a great time. It met Elders Oaks’ criteria of planned, paid for, and paired off and was wonderful. Not that the girl I went with was the one, but that we just had a great time that beat simply just hanging around, watching movies, and hoping that romance will bloom.

There was nothing superficial or extravagant in our date, it was simple and cheap and allot of fun. We went for some great Thai food, and just talked.

Perhaps there is something to dating that is superior. I find it interesting that two people, one who is very much in and a part of the world, and another who is very much out of it, would come to the same conclusion, that dating needs to be resurrected.

Got Plugged?

2005-06-10T23:27:00.000-10:00

Dating Vs. Hanging Out.

2005-05-02T01:09:00.000-10:00

Lately, this has been a pet issue among many leaders of the Church. During our last stake conference in March, Pres. Pierce of the BYUH 1st Stake admonished the men and told them to start dating. In response to a national study in which many women complained about the lack of a "dating culture", the Department of Sociology at BYU sent out survey on the subject to students in all the church schools, and of course, Elder Oaks, in the recent CES addressed dedicated a good part of his talk to addressing the "demise of dating" and the increased prominence of "hanging out".

I think that we are all familiar enough with this to know exactly what they mean. It has been mostly the women who have been complaining about this trend. It's interesting that in our increasingly feministic society that we still expect the men to take the lead.

In my opinion, our religious leaders are so concerned with the issue simply because the lack of formal dating serves as an easy scapegoat for the change in marriage culture. Both Elder Oaks and Elder Nelson voiced concern about the change in numbers in their talks.

Elder Nelson in the CES broadcast of February used the example of the declining proportion of mature adults who are married, decreasing birth rates and the increase of the age at which couples get married as well as the growing numbers of unmarried couples as signs of Satan's attack on the family. He mentioned the pervasion and perniciousness of immorality and pornography right after, categorizing everything under "spiritual sickness".

Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed both talks (note tongue in cheek), but I don't completely agree with the basis of their concerns because I feel that later marriages are the result of the increased emphasis placed on secular education, which, could also be interpreted as the side effects of a world turning to materialism. However people used to get married at 14-16, and as times change, the norm has also increased. I don't see the same degree of gravity in the situation because I feel it far worse for an individual to be married too early than too late. Of course, I'm not a prophet so I lack the foresight/insight to completely understand.

In any case, whether or not I agree with their cause for concern is irrelevant. The matter I wish to address here is the particular interest our leaders have taken in the dating culture.

I feel that while dating trends certainly have evolved, they have little effect on the statistics of "hooking up" and eventual marriage. In fact, I question the assumption that dating is more effective in the development of romantic relationships than the culture of "hanging out".

I'm not sure if I am the only one confused at some of the contradictory statements that have been made concerning "hanging out". I remember reading an article or two in the New Era, back in my pre-dating days, warning youth against letting their guard down when they are simply "hanging out".

In the Q&A section of the April 2002 issue, they discussed the dangers of pairing off (at a young age) while hanging out in groups. Contrast that to the accusation we receive from our leaders for hanging out too much that we are not pairing off and getting married and starting to churn out babies.

On the one hand, we are shown that pairing off happens easily within a group of young people, on the other hand, they are worried that it does not happen enough.

As young college students at BYU-Hawaii, we have plenty of opportunities to observe our own social practices. We do our fair share of hanging out with the sporadic group date, passing the test of the 3 Ps: Planned ahead, Paid for and Paired off. The end product is some mutated form of hanging out that has added formality, restrictions, and less money for the poor guy.

Once, on a group date, we tried so hard to keep things properly paired off, but kept getting invaded by other members of the social group (who proably had no idea that we were on a date) and eventually had to verbally officiate the end of the date so we could transition into "hanging out mode" and save my date the obligation of entertaining me and ignoring the other date-less women in the group. So much uneccessary formality.

Here's what Elder Oaks said about dating:

"Simple, more frequent dates allow men and women to shop around in a way that allows extensive evaluation of the prospects. The old fashioned date was a wonderful way to get acquainted with a member of the opposite sex. It encouraged conversation, it allowed you to see how you treat others and how you're treated in a one on one situation. It gave opportunities to learn how to initiate and sustain a mature realtionship. None of that happens in hanging out."

The claim here is that hanging out does not facilitate, as dating does:

1. extensive evaluation of prospects.
2. getting acquainted with a member of the opposite sex.
3. encouraging conversation.
4. observing how you treat each other in one on one situations.
5. learning how to initiate and sustain a mature relationship.

I, of course, disagree with the claim and find formal dating for too superficial and restrictive to be effective in that manner. In a group situation, we are free to communicate with anyone in the group we feel most comfortable with. This process of natural selection saves time and money. Instead of having to go on 7 different dates with 7 different guys to get to know them, why not talk to all 7 of them in one evening? Or in a series of group activities. That encourages conversation 7-fold and if you find one person absolutely boring, you won't be obligated into staying with him till the date is over. Perhaps this lack of comitment is what Elder Oaks is worried about, but is such commitment necessary at this stage?

Having more than one member of the opposite gender present could even be more conducive to evaluating prospects. It is good to be able to contrast them against each other. Also, while it is important to understand how you treat each other one-on-one, and he does have a point in mentioning that marriage is not a group activity, how we treat others will be very much like the way we will eventually treat our significant other. I should think it much more practical to observe someone in a situation where they are comfortable enough to be themselves.

I am inclined to think that formal dating is not required to get to know someone in a one on one setting. Phonecalls from one dorm room to another will serve the purpose. And are free.

But how do people "hook up" if all they do is hang out? That's obvious to me. What I don't know is how people hook up if all they do is go on formal dates! In trying to get to know someone, my tactic is to invite them to come "hang out" with my friends and I. Simple, no pressure. Great way to integrate each other into your social groups, something essential in greasing relationships. If, from hanging out you decide that you like what you see, then you can use a formal 1-on-1 date to let the person know you're interested. If not, I maintain that phone calls are wonderful tools.

So I am not for erradicating dating in the least, but I wonder, if we go on date with increased frequency, dating will lose its significance. How, then, will you show this guy/girl that you are actually interested in pursuing more?

I am ignorant in this matter because my relatioships have evolved from either hanging out, or the internet. Both of which Elder Oaks used as examples of poor replacements for dating. Whoah. I should write him a letter or something.

In my opinion, the complaints we make about the lack of formal dating has less to do with the fact that we consider it essentially preliminary to marriage (because I believe it happens whether or not you started by going on formal dates) but has more to do with the need for attention. Being asked out is flattering and validates our appeal to those of the opposite sex.

I really doubt that there will be a dramatic increase in the number of marriages if we ressurrect this dating culture. Those who find themselves in a relationship leading to marriage would probably have done so in a hanging out situation anyway.

Perhaps more than attacking the structure of our social lives, attention needs to be paid to working this change to our advantage, and we need to find ways to encourage wholesome group activities which will facilitate "hooking up".

And for those women who feel inclined to blame the lack of dating (or the death of chivalry, for that matter) as the reason why they are still single, perhaps they should heed Elder Oak's counsel to start preparing a life for themselves, even a single life, instead of waiting on a marriage prospect.

Seeking a partner...

2005-04-07T23:33:00.000-10:00

So I think this here caf has lived true to its name. It has become like the notorious BYUH caf: offering more than it can provide.

I don't know why that is the case. People sometimes just get bored of things just as I am bored of certain identifiable things right now, but it only makes life needlessly dull. Try something different if what you are doing is not working out. Change is a good think, yet not many people recognize the importance. I don't sometimes.

Than again there is much I don't do. There is much I want to do. I can't seem to find the balance no matter how desperately hard I seek. Seeking brings diversity and that I enjoy.

I sometimes think I need a change of scenery, however, I know I am wrong.

Thoughts on American Women

2005-03-15T14:00:00.000-10:00

Jared Bodine’s blog about American women was a landmark in blogging. I have never seen so many passionate responses to any blog.

I wanted to throw my two cents in, but decided to devote an entire blog to my thoughts about what Jared wrote.

First, I have found that people are often critical of things that they know nothing about; hold in high regard things they know very little about; and are critical of those things that they know intimately.

From this perspective it seems only natural that he would be very critical of American, or western, girls because he has the most experience and knows the most about them. He would think highly of Asian girls because he is least experienced and only sees the positive. But if this theory holds, as he becomes more familiar with Asian girls, he will be more aware of their shortcomings (Let’s face it, no matter who we are, we all have them).

I try to maintain an open mind and realize that there is no such thing as a perfect man or woman. If there were perfect men or women among us, there is little chance that they would want to have anything to do with any of us (Those reading this).

What many of us do, whether consciously or subconsciously, is weigh the pros of an individual against their cons and then make a decision about whether or not to continue seeing them.

I think that there are wonderful women in every culture, from the Eskimos to the Middle Easterners; from the Europeans to the Asians that would be great to have a relationship with.

The important thing is to not create stereotypes, and to judge, yes judge, a person on individual merit and not broad stereotypes whether created by others or us.

On another note, I am back from a brief blogging sabbatical and will be posting both here and at my blog www.chrisrusch.blogspot.com. See you there.

American Woman...

2005-03-04T20:09:00.000-10:00

Hey, in case you are wondering, the party is over here.

Space between us

2005-02-12T17:18:00.000-10:00

Some friends get close emotionally, then get far spatially and everything that ever was there disappears. They forget each other, not permanently, but they forget to stay in touch. Some people are good at staying in touch. Some people leave and you never hear from them again.

What is it about distance that creates a real rift between people? Judge always puts it, "Out of sight and out of mind". What I get from that is that if you can't see them you don't think of them. Well, recently I have had a good friend from last year give me a couple random calls and it really lifts my day. On the other hand, I have neglected to call anyone not nearby for the last couple months and somehow I have forgotten the good friendship we had.

Some people come into our lives and really make a difference. They make us better people, happier, more confident. However, some relationships just don't last. They leave and so do all the good times with them. How are some people drawn so close together while others are always kept at a distance? Why does a spatial distance really affect the closeness of the relationship? Why are goodbye's harder for some people and not for others? Moving on is an action we must get accustomed too in life, but is part of that forgetting? Maybe, even in the smallest degree?

I don't know. Nevertheless, I am not a fan of goodbyes and I have gotten used to them. I don't know if I like that though.

Calling all Bloggers.

2005-02-06T02:54:00.000-10:00

A group of undergraduate students in Singapore are conducting a survey about blogging and ethics. I filled one out after receiving an invitation in my email. It didn't take me long and it helped me learn just a little more about me.

I encourage everyone to take this survey because:

1) As a fan of blogging, I am extremely pleased that it has made it into college research. A sign that it has been validated.

2) I personally would like to know how people's perspectives differ from culture to culture - and I know they would appreciate having opinions from my diverse social group.

3) This research is done so close to home - on a topic so close to home - that I feel obligated to support it. You should too. You might even gain more brain cells in the process (insert disclaimer here).

4) Because blogging is not geeky enough - you need to take a survey about it.

What are you doing still reading this? Take the survey here.

Dating Protocol...

2005-01-26T20:17:00.000-10:00

On my blog I did a post about my cardinal rules of dating. It sparked some others to explain their cardinal rules of dating.

Mine are:

Don't let her see you without a shirt on.
Don't let her see you try to dance.
~~Don't let her hear you try to sing.~~

My sister LaDawn's:

Don't let him see you without make up on.
Don't let him see mom without her make up on (you tell how a girl is going to age by looking at her mother).
Don't let him have a conversation with anyone in the family for longer than three minutes (two if it's Rob).
(If you knew my brother-in-law Rob you'd get that joke.)

Allison had these:

Don't let him see you without a bra on. Boobs tend to sag a bit without the wonder bra!
Don't let him see you without makeup was one but on a few occasions I had to do this since I was staying at his house over night. But I tried!
Don't let him kiss me in the morning!

I thought that it might be interesting to see what you guys think about rules of dating.

I also think some dating protocol would be good. One example; I think that when a guy opens the car door for a girl, she should make sure that the door is unlocked for him by the time he makes it to his door. I have had to teach this unspoken rule to many girls and I really do appreciate it when girls already know and do it. It's not a big deal, but it does make a difference.

What do you say?

Life Beyond College

2005-01-20T19:17:00.000-10:00

There comes a time in the life of the college graduate when they come to the realization that the dream job they thought would be getting right out of college is still somewhere beyond the horizon, and that money is needed now. I have come to this conclusion and will start working next week at the, gasp, glass plant.

In a way this is a good thing. I need the exercise and do not have the motivation to get out and run or really do anything else. Being up and moving for twelve hours a day has been enough in the past to shed pounds quick and improve my overall physical condition.

It’s sad. In high school I once had the goal of being ripped, and worked for a couple years to achieve that goal. Running, and weights were a big part of life then. My diet was the same then as it is now. But it is amazing that when you are working out almost everyday, it does not matter what you eat, because it all is metabolized to build muscle. Now the only thing that gets bigger is the size of my pants.

I blame it all on college. College is a double edged sword because people are much more accepting of others. You can be a jock, or a “Bluto Blutarski” (John Belushi’s character in animal house) and still meet girls and even get a girlfriend. I also found that there were other things that I found interesting, such as reading, staying up late, and taking naps. What added to the to my plight was the fact that the cafeteria was an “all you can eat buffet” where there was always something good to eat and plenty of it.

Well, you can guess what happened next. I gained weight and became the tons of fun that I am today. But in a few months, I should be down about forty pounds or so which will be nice.

So that is it from here. Look forward for a review of “Hooking Up” by Tom Wolf.

Peace out

Blog because you can

2005-01-19T21:44:00.000-10:00

Blogs are an interesting thing. One thing interesting about them is the motivation behind the bloggers. Do they do it to be heard by anyone, to release emotions bottled up inside, to communicate to certain people, or for other selfish or altruistic reasons.

On my blog, I blog to clear my mind. I write because I need to write and it is good to write. I do this for myself. It is also a bit of a journal because I have never kept one. I write what I think about certain issues, social, cultural, and sometimes intellectual. I write when I have something to say or something on my mind. This is quite frequent so time most restricts how often I write.

Now the patrons know why I blog. The only question left is why they blog. This is not just a rhetorical question.

This is kind of and introduction because I have never posted an article on this site, only comments. Now I can write here at anytime, no matter the subject of discussion because I can now make them. so I will write when I can.

Clutter Clutter everywhere but no space for me to think

2005-01-12T19:18:00.000-10:00

Graduation has come and gone and now I am back in Georgia sitting here with nothing better to do. I started cleaning out the closet of my old room and it feels like I am conducting an archeological dig in my closet.

The top is representative of when I just returned from my mission until now. What a walk down memory lane. I put all of that stuff in a pile for Goodwill. The next layer represents high school graduation right up until entering the MTC. I put all of that stuff in the same pile for Goodwill. The final layer represents four years of high school and it received the same treatment as all of the other anthropological finds and will hopefully find their way into homes of those who could really use them.

All this is reminiscent of an article written by a former professor that I had at BYU-Idaho. The article is about adultery and abundance, and today it was made clear to me that I have what I need and then some. There is literally so much stuff in our house that there is not enough closet space to store all of the excess. A child stands the chance of being smothered to death if the Goodwill pile were to topple on top of them.

A prime example of how we expand our collection of material possessions can be illustrated with a personal example. When we moved into our new house in Georgia we literally doubled the amount of square footage from our old house. Our things barely took up half the space. Twelve years later it seems like we are bursting at the seems and don’t even have the room enough to store away what we got this year for Christmas.

Jared is another example of this phenomenon that occurs when people upgrade the size of their living arrangements. I remember when he first came to Hawaii he was sharing a room in Hale six and for all of those that lived there, you know how commodious those rooms are. It is not unlike living in a filing cabinet. Now that he is an RA and has his own room, his current room is full and there is little room for the bass guitar that he is selling for me.

I think that each year we should go through the closets and the drawers and ask ourselves,” When was the last time I thought about his?” There are enough clothes in my house that no one has worn in years to clothe several needy families and with all of the clothes that we have received for Christmas this year, I think that we can afford to do this.

As part of our new years resolutions, let’s make one about getting rid of the stuff that has not seen the light of day in a very long time. In the words of Moe Sizlack’s Bartending Professor,”De-clutter your hole, and you will de-clutter your soul.

Give me fish or give me death.

2005-01-12T16:16:00.000-10:00

Ok use less ramblings.
Give name (or names) of people you like. But make it be a fake name. A code name if you will. And give one hint as to who it is. Are not what ever.......

Chica De O la - in a club with her

Death Of The Norm

2005-01-10T12:22:00.000-10:00

So I have just recently given in to my past feud with France. I don't think France ever knew or would have even cared, but it is still over. I have had a long feud with them for many reasons. I how ever have just begun to believe that some people from France can be ok people. The one that changed my mind is one Michel De Montaigne.

What does this have to do with you? Well the winter break is a long time and many things have happened to all of us. Our outlook's on things have changed for better or for worst. Things are different, but what things hae changed? This is where you come in.

What outlook or point of view has changed for you in the past couple weeks?

"It pleases me as much to doubt as to know." - Dante, Inferno, XI, 93.

Online Romance and Attraction: Can it really work?

2004-12-23T07:05:00.000-10:00

Finally found something I had an opinon on to write about so I could resurrect this blog from the dead (I guess they weren't kidding when they called it dead week). You better read it and write long comments because I stayed up all night writing this post!

Long distance relationships have become a growing trend in this era of information technology. By eliminating boundaries and making the world a smaller place, the Internet has expanded our “dating” pool and it is becoming more and more of an accepted way to meet your future spouse.

While not everyone has been or ever intend to get involved in a relationship with someone they met over the Internet, many who spend ample time on it have "met" people who they feel they could really be attracted to. I have been in a couple of Internet-based relationships myself, and can understand why it is prevalent today. Yet, I also see the potential for danger.

Here is Kelsey’s take on "dating" a boy you've never seen:

It might be smarter than what most of the world chooses, I mean think about it. You are attracted almost purley to his intellect, his mind, the part that doesn't decay with age but only becomes stronger thru trials. That kind of attraction has the potential to last forever whereas those who start with physical attraction because they have physically met have a greater chance of dying off.

I believe that she does have a good point in mentioning that intellect is what goes the distance vs. physical attraction. However, I'm not so sure about it being the smarter thing.

There are 2 possibilities that I can think of in which this scenario could go terribly wrong.

1) But are you REALLY compatible?

People aren't the same over the Internet as they are in real life. Some people would argue that the Internet allows them to be MORE of themselves than real social interaction does because social barriers become non-existent when talking in text. People with social anxiety can come out of their shell easily and show the funny, intelligent side of themselves that they are usually too afraid to express. You also have more time to respond because chat is less than instant. The lag allows for more thought put into what we say, and as a result, we may come across as wittier, more intelligent sounding, funnier, nicer etc. than we would in “real life”.

My argument is that that’s not being who you really are; that’s being someone else. I may truly be the me I am in my head online, but who I am in my head is not who I am to the people around me – and that’s what matters where social relations are concerned. The fact is that “real life” as we call it, requires actual physical interaction. When you’re married, you don’t communicate with each other solely through chat. At least I hope nobody does that!

The inconsistency between personality in text and personality in person becomes apparent when observing the difference between writing and speaking. Of course, there are the exceptions. Some people have no developed writing style and write exactly the way they talk. Others are so advanced that their writing style transfers into speech. (We usually make fun of those people – they’re usually pretty dorky). Of course, chatting is less formal than writing is and sometimes I find chat even more annoying than speech (it’s hard to misspell words when you’re talking or have really off-putting lack of punctuation).

All I’m saying is that while intellect may become the base of your relationship, and that is an important thing, you may not be able to relate to each other the same way in real life because the intellect has a different way of surfacing.

On a near-completely unrelated note, if you’re picky like me, while being able to interact well on a person-to-person level, I almost require that he also writes well in order for me to be completely attracted. So I guess the two go hand-in-hand for me.

There is also the possibility of someone being a really good liar, telling you all the things you want to hear and being someone they really aren’t just to attract you, then turn out to be completely different in real life. I’ve read of pedophiles who lure young teenage girls that way.

It is also important to note that a great part of really knowing someone and being attracted to them is based on how they interact with other people, or how they perform in other social contexts and functions. Let’s take some things I think are important as examples: how good someone is with kids and animals, how they interact with their family members (I’ve been told more than once to watch how the men treat their mothers because that’s how they will treat you. I believe it), how they interact with their friends, the elderly, the mentally handicapped – how they interact, period. What kind of student they are in school, how confident they are in public speaking, how developed their musical talents are. Can they cook? There are lots of things you can talk about. You can talk about your love for children, or animals, but it says very little about capability. I can say I enjoy cooking and be truthful, but I could also be really, really bad at it. There is just no way to gauge these things from such a distance.

Some major cultural differences also don’t become apparent till later. They’re hardly apparent even while dating in person and many receive a huge “culture shock” after they’ve tied the knot. But you all already know how I am against inter-cultural marriages. That’s a different topic altogether. Either way, relationships that are long distance always come with some sort of cultural difference and you lose out on understanding an essential part of someone’s personality when you don’t share the same background, or present environment.

I just think that we need to be cautious of what we allow ourselves to be attracted to, especially through the Internet. (I am trying to take my own advice.) It is true that there is that chance of that special someone who fits you exactly being only miles and miles away and the Internet was a medium in which you found him/her. Just like BYU is the medium in which people from all over the world gather and shop for their spouses. What we are in danger of is being attracted to people who are far away because we only see a little bit of them. The good part. Perhaps if you had met the person in real life, you would have found them butt ugly and annoying and would have never even considered being attracted to them. Then again, there’s the argument that it’s fate that you met through the Internet because that’s the only way you would have given each other a chance to get to know each other? Honestly, I think that’s kind of sad. I would like to think that it is a reversible process.

The seaweed is always greener in somebody else’s lake. Perhaps we may be looking too far away for something that exists right where we are.

2) What about physical attraction?

Ok, enough about compatibility. Let’s say that the situation is ideal and what you “see” or read about is what you get. Intellectually, socially, emotionally, culturally, he/she is everything you are looking for. No inconsistencies exists. You get along both in text, and in speech (say through phone conversations). Basically, you match. There is still no way to get past the importance of physical attraction.

One of the worse case scenarios I have read about involved 2 people who got along great. She had high hopes. Marriage in mind. So they decided to meet. Turns out he was 4’5. Was she “the bad guy” for not being able to go through with it? They get along great, she loved him. Was she discriminatory in not being able to be attracted to a midget?

How about this other story, about a girl who met someone online. He told her he had aids but she was ok with never having sex (whoah, we complain about being celibate till marriage – now that would be something to blog about!). They got married. Only a while later, she finds out that he was actually a she. What happens then?

Take something we could relate to instead. What if the person wore clothes that really embarrassed you. Or if they had intolerable bad breath. Or teeth that made you lose focus on what they were saying because you’d be staring at their mouth. Or trying not to look. I have a hard time getting past certain accents. Can your relationship really be based solely on intellect that you will be able to see past all that?

I don’t know. I don’t want to have to close my eyes or every time I make love to my husband. Is that why people do it with the lights off?

I think we all have a right to physical attraction. We should not have to force ourselves to like something that we naturally struggle to even tolerate. However, it is true that these physical things don’t last, therefore relationships built around the initial attraction don’t go the distance. They need to be backed up by common interests, good communication and all those important things. Yet, physical appearance isn’t the only thing that deteriorates. Personality changes with time too. People don’t turn out the way you imagine they would when you married them. It takes a little something more than just physical and psychological attraction. Those two go hand in hand, but there is something that transcends it all. Something we all hope to find. Maybe some day I’ll understand it.

I know that there have been instances where emotional attraction transferred over to physical attraction. Maybe that is what happens.

I can’t help but mention homosexuality here. That came into mind as soon as I mentioned about believing in the right to physical attraction. Where exactly do they fit in all this? A train of thought I will have to save for another time to pursue. Perhaps you can fill in the blanks for me. Also, case in point: physical attraction can never be ruled out completely from the equation. If it could be, then we would all be bisexual.

Well, I’ve moved from talking about long distance relationships to attraction and homosexuality. There are just too many interrelated topics to cover them on in one night, so I better work on a conclusion here.

All in all, it is unrealistic to conclude that just because 2 people get along and are attracted to each other in one module of interaction that it is automatically transferable to all aspects. I would still rather be physically attracted to a person first and then discover that we get along. I, do, however, use the term loosely. Physical attraction to me has less to do with looks and more to do with countenance, posture or the way they carry themselves, dress and grooming and speech.

What are some of your thoughts on the matter? Do you have success stories to share? Horror stories? What does it take to make a long distance relationship work -or any relationship for that matter?

In the end, attraction cannot be put into a scientific formula or a mathematical equation. I believe in magic, and I’m not above letting it work on me.

Out of sight and of Mind

2004-12-07T16:42:00.000-10:00

I worked with the old and mentally retarded. I heard people all the time tell me how they loved their children and their grandparents. They loved them so much that they sent them to me. They put them out of sight and out of mind. I knew better then most people that some times it is to hard. That not every body has the qualifications for taken care of some one that is M.R. (mentally retarded) that needs 24 hour watching. And yet in all my time working with those people I meet only two that needed 24 hour sir valence. Most where very independent. Their family however put them there. I learned not to mind so much. Mostly because it gave me a great job and people that I have loved more then I know how. I went thru so much with them. I wake them, dressed them, feed them, showered them, got them to work, played with them, and basically lived with them. Then as with all things I watched some die. Others passed away while I was not there but still came to hear of it quickly. And in all this time the family was in the dark. It was funny cause we would get in trouble allot with them cause we did not keep them informed, but really why didn’t they ask? Why didn’t they come to visit? Joseph Smith said that there is no sweeter joy then the voice of a friend, or something like that. I came to know that for a reality there. In the few occasions that family did come their faces would be filled with joy. They would have no problems. They would have little thought for them self, for the most part. I stress how ever that these visits where few and far between. Now that I have had time to look back and think of these experiences. I wonder what was so important that they thought that their job or their social life where more important. To anyone reading this thinking of reasons why I am mistaken or that I can’t understand. Think of this who are you trying to convince? Me or yourself.

Profound

2004-12-06T12:33:00.000-10:00

My roommate Yale is a great guy with a cool name. Last night we were talking about why I am not dating a certain girl who he thinks is perfect for me. I could not disagree. He was asking why we had not seriously been dating. I said that it was because of blindness.

Opportunities present themselves and we fail to take advantage of them because in our little myopic view of the world it is not what we are looking for, or does not fit our ideal that we built up and reinforced for so long. This leads to more sorrow then anything else I can imagine.

Missed opportunities are worse then failure because you will never know the outcome. Let us all open our eyes to the opportunities that are all around us. Perhaps someone we consider the least likely person is the solution to our relationship problems. Perhaps we should expunge the ideals that we have and create new ideals that will make us much happier and lead us to becoming the kind of people that we should and would love to be.

Or perhaps we will miss this opportunity to change and continue leading our current lives and still hoping for something more

A spiritual note, from my mission

2004-12-03T17:35:00.000-10:00

I Stand All Amazed

With strength to subject worlds
He fell on his face
And prayed that the cup would pass
Shivering in a river of agony
Bowing beneath the weight of pain that blurred the stars
He bled and cried, and the drops fell through eternity
I tremble to know
That at some point he saw my face
That there was once a moment when my loneliness and regret
Flowed through the veins of God
All this, and he stretched out his arms wide high on the cross
And died that I might live
Undying love to give.

Ah Dead week...

2004-12-02T14:20:00.000-10:00

Well this blog has certainly become quiet. Though I'm sure as soon as a new travesty appears on campus that will change (or someone could start gripping about the tree again)
But I will take the chance to procrastinate just a little longer and write about dead week.
This is the point in the semester where we finish up those last minute papers, posters, projects, dissections and other scholastic torture which our professors will use to decide our grades. Then add to the fact that there are a multitude of finals whether they are essay, multiple choice (ok lets replace the choice with guess) that I should have started studying for weeks ago.
We forget friends, (or for those of us without) Blogs and even those with siginficant others grow silent as they focus on study. The stress of the week you can see across everyones face (it also takes the physical presence of acne. Hurrah!)
Though all hope is not lost. Within the next week the winter break will be here. A chance to take a break, breathe and relax. Or work. Until next semester.
What is truly beautiful about all this is we choose to be students.

Chris Raises up his voice to rejoice.

2004-11-29T21:35:00.000-10:00

Graduation is coming up and soon, I will be free. Let me list what I am going to do to celebrate.
1. Not shaving my facial hair for at least one month. Goodbye clean- shaven hello beard city.
2. I will not wake up before 8:00 am to attend church. Singles wards always meet after the last family ward, which means I can party like a single guy should on Saturday nights.
3. I will be having girls over allot. No more curfews or “girls out” times that exist at BYU schools.
4. Studying what I want. Now I can finally get to my ever-increasing collection of books. Oh how they have sat in my room gathering dust over the years.
5. Having a job where when I go home, I can enjoy being at home without worrying about work. Project and homework have plauged my sleep for to long.
6. Finally dating like I should. This semester has been a bust for dating. Making sure that graduation happens has been my top priority, so dating has not only taken a backseat, but has been duck taped in the trunk.

Yep, It will be a happy day.

Story of my life

2004-11-27T14:38:00.000-10:00

wrote this in high school, but it seemed to fit my current state of mind.

Discord

I can see why you feel that way, my friend
I do not agree
But I can see why you feel the way you do.

I did not ask to look into her eyes
I did not ask to fall
But one could sooner come to the Garden of Eden
Just to sit upon its wall

The stars shudder in half-hearted dissonance
Clinging to the cloudy sky like memories to an old photograph
Crowding together in shrouded constellations
Trying to keep warm.

The stars found her eyes
The wind found her hair
I found a place by her side
And the three of us stayed there
Until time tore us apart.

I have seen their eyes
People with smiling lips
But in their eyes they are screaming
For something
If you look into their eyes they are screaming.

The light from the streetlamp was like the moon
It touched her face ever so softly
Just as I had so often longed to.

Concerning constellations, and consequences
Everyone all around me
Is so quick to misunderstand

I had dreams, and she was there
And the night was not so dark
The stars were not so cold.

Here is my song of confusion
and my song of love
It’s all the same song
It’s all the same life
A life so full of aching stars
And brown-eyed girls
And trees that point to God
I would not dare have it any other way…

Can't Be Satisfied...

2004-11-23T18:26:00.000-10:00

Why, oh why, do they feel it necessary to put the Christmas Tree for this year off to the side once again? I know this is just a nit-picky item, but it matters to me.

Last year they started construction about the same time and so they did put a one year hiatus from the tradition of placing the fond Christmas symbol in the center of the little circle. I understood that, but why now? The circle construction is mostly over (did anyone notice that much of a difference on the circle itself anyway?) and I think it'd be worth a few cones in the view to have it in the right place.

Has anyone still living in Laie been here for a Christmas where the tree was in the right place? It is beautiful and makes you feel twice as privileged to be here. Just at the sight of it at night with all the lights on brings in the spirit of the season. On the side it seems to be hidden, and it gets lost in the wake of the surrounding palm trees that are actually taller than the pine.

I know I'm over reacting to this, but my life is so bland that these little things keep me breathing.

Viva La Christo treeo Centro!

(Sorry, I don't speak Spanish)

Sorry

2004-11-23T15:56:00.000-10:00

My blog was under construction. The article about Mormon authors was not formatted very well and needed some touching up. It has been fixed and now it is back. I would encourage all of you to read it and to comment as much as you like about what Chad Phares in his article about LDS authors. My response is on its' way and should be finished within the next few days. To read Chad Phares original article go to my blog.

Rusch

Ah, The irony...

2004-11-23T13:17:00.000-10:00

How's this for a question, "How do you spell 'Trivia'?"

I was upset that Fei beat me to the punch as I wanted to post that same pic. But I can be the first to post thier retraction.

They finally bought a vowel

All in a college education.

2004-11-22T21:42:00.000-10:00

I feel smrter already.

another poem

2004-11-22T17:39:00.000-10:00

What’s your name, sweet girl?
Whose hand is a gift that you hold and smile?
Could you stitch up the torn sleeve of
my dream,
Mend my name, infuse me with humanity?
Have I this hope, that you might call me
From the Martian cave where I pine for no one
Or do I sit for another day with my foreign stars and
my collection of plundered spacecraft parts
Throwing stones at the Viking lander...?

P.S. this is approaching love poetry. If anyone wants to see some real Romeo garbage, speak.
Or if you can handle something more abstract, or if you're tired of the literary thing, say so also... SPEAK, EARTH MONKEY! HAVE YOU NO BRAIN WORMS!?! Sorry, that wasn't me, it was Zim.

Cells are people too

2004-11-22T12:17:00.000-10:00

I have been studying up on stem cells and have been wondering what some other peoples thoughts are. I discovered that I had little to no knowledge of what they are. After many a websites and government reports I believe I have the knowledge to beat out a opine with some time.
These questions come to mind:
What do you know about Stem Cells?
Do you believe it's ethical?

A Sensation...

2004-11-20T11:24:00.000-10:00

Just a note that in the first 3 days of the Caf Chronicle being public and monitored, we have had an average of 33 hits a day. Each hit is on average over 4 minutes long, which indicates that this is not just lookey-loos, but people stopping by to read. Great work all!

Let's together, keep our site interesting enough for more to come back!

Thank You,
Management

Will make you make you mad

2004-11-18T23:24:00.000-10:00

You just have to read this opinion piece from the BYU-Tehran(Idaho) newspaper. Go to my blog to check it out. If it does not make you mad, then there is nothing that will.

Is this love that I'm feeling?

2004-11-18T16:06:00.000-10:00

A lot of couples that engage in Public Displays of affection are not expressing their lovefor each other. In my expert opinion they are trying to convince each other of their love by saying, or rather shouting to everyone around, “ Hey, look at us swap DNA. We love each other so much.”

There are some public displays of affection that are acceptable. Holding hands, putting an arm around a loved one at a movie, or giving a hug at an airport, all of these, along with others are acceptable forms of public affection. But love, and the expression of it, goes far beyond physical interaction. Love manifests itself in many other ways.

An unfortunate thing is that in English one word describes this multifaceted thing that called love. In ancient Greece there were three words that were used to express love. They were Eros, this is erotic or passionate love that drives a couple to sexual activity, Agape, the kind of love that exists between parents and children, and Philia, the kind of brotherly or plutonic love that can exist between both men and women. But all of these are taken and lumped into one word, love.

Frankly, couples that are passionately kissing are playing with fire, they are running with scissors, they are walking a tight rope straddling two pools, one is full of hungry great white sharks, and the other is full of Jelly Belly jelly beans, and many other clichés that we could use in our discussion about passionately kissing.

I consider myself an observer of life. My hope is that through my observations of others actions that I can learn something that will make me a better person and that I will not fall into the same traps as they have. On more then one occasion, close friends have come to me, prior to their wedding, and have said that they wished that they had not used physical means to express their love. The best thing to do is to save these signs of affection until we have been properly pronounced man and wife.

Wife of Judes

2004-11-18T15:34:00.000-10:00

Ok so I was wondering what peoples thoughts where on Judas having a been married.
Would he have killed himself if he had been?
If he did, then did any one weep with her over his death?
Did anyone weep for her?

It is not known if the apostles where married or not. Some scholars have thought that maybe Paul (at least at some point) had a wife and children. If you read some of his letters in acts he seems to write to John’s wife and children. Wither that was the apostle John no one is sure. In our religion we know that marriage is an eternal principal. This leads me to the idea that the prophets may have been married. Does it matter? Not really. Will it affect my progress? Nope. Is it something to talk about? Yes. I do how ever think allot about Judas. I think about different aspect of his life and what will become of him.

Peaches, Plums, and/or Alfalfa?

2004-11-18T00:59:00.000-10:00

Kissing: To engage in mutual touching or caressing with the lips as an expression of affection, greeting, respect, or amorousness.

Synonyms for "kiss": blow, brush, buss, butterfly, buzz, caress, eat face, glance, graze, greet, lip, make out, mouth-to-mouth, mush, muzzle, neck, osculate, peck, pet, pucker up, salute, shave, skim, smack, smash, smooch, spark, sugar, swap spit, touch, X

When was the last time you kissed somebody, I mean really kissed somebody? And no, stage kisses don't count - unless you enjoyed it. ; ) For some of us it was this morning, for others, last night, last week, last month, last year... and then there are those who have never had the privelege. Either way, the general consensus is that kissing is a desirable thing.

Being in college, getting exposed to it is inevitable. Having to watch other couples "osculate" (and then some) might make you uncomfortable, but deep inside, we all wish it was us instead. I really think that those of our age group who have a serious issue against PDA (Public Displays of Affection) are just bitter because they're not getting any. But we'll save that discussion for another blog.

We are also not unfamiliar (did I confuse you with my double negative?) with the cousel our church leaders have for us regarding this social accepted and appropriate practice of ours.

"Do not participate in passionate kissing" (For The Strength Of Youth)

"A kiss is an evidence of affection. A kiss is an evidence of love, not an evidence of lust... but it can be. Don't ever let a kiss in your courtship spell lust. Necking and petting are lustful; they are not love... I don't mind [you] kissing each other after you have had several dates; ... not the kiss of passion, but the kiss of affection." (Spencer W. Kimball, address to missionaries, 2 Jan. 1959).

"Kissing has... degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels and robbed of sacredness?" Spencer W. Kimball.

"What is miscalled the soul kiss is an abomination and stirs passion that results in the eventual loss of virtue. Even if timely courtship justifies a kiss, it should be a clean, decent, sexless one... If the soul kiss with its passion were eliminated from dating, there would be an immediate upswing in chastity and honor, with fewer illegitimate babies, fewer unwed mothers, fewer forced marriages, and fewer unhappy souls. With the absence of the soul kiss, necking would be greatly reduced. Its younger sister, petting, would be totally eliminated. Both are abominations of their own right and kind." (In Conference Report, Sydney Australia Area Conference, 29 Feb. 1976, p. 55.)

Having grown up in a Muslim country where kissing is only now becoming socially acceptable (you barely ever kiss and tell- this whole blog right here would be a HUGE controversy!) and raised in a rather sheltered environment, I had no qualms whatsoever with the counsel of our leaders in regards to kissing.

"Well, duh, kissing is obviously so EVIL - why would you want to do that with your boyfriend? Holding hands with him will be more than enough."

I was absolutely certain that I would not kiss a guy unless he was the one I planned to marry. Also at the time, couples attached by the hip in public and who just couldn't let go of each other were objects of ridicule to me. Of course, at that point, I had never had a boyfriend before and wouldn't have my first one till I was here at BYU-Hawaii. Those of you who have known me while I was seeing somebody understand completely the humor and irony in this. I have been labeled as "the-girl-who-just-can't-keep-her-hands-off-her-guy". Kissing in public? Hey, it's only PDA if you're looking!

Do I enjoy kissing? Yes, absolutely. Do I feel guilty for it? Why, should I?

Remember my "goal" of not kissing a guy unless we were planning to be wed? Well, I've kissed 3 guys and I am still single. 3 is still very small number so in some ways I have done an alirght job saving myself in that department (although it doesn't accurately represent just HOW MUCH I have kissed!) I've had 4 boyfriends, so I did good with one of them, at least: my first one. He felt the same way I did and while we still kissed, it was never mouth-to-mouth. Go figure. I think that the only reason we didn't is because we didn't date long enough to succumb to physical attraction.

My first kiss was with a non-member a whole 6 years older than me. He and I had "dated" online for a good year and a half before we met up here in Hawaii. I was 18 at the time. It was a very romantic first kiss - I have it all stored in my head as you would see it in a chick flick: the airport meeting scene. Two lovers approaching each other, wordlessly, a pause, recognition, smiling and disbelief, breathless whispering of names, then a release into this long passionate uniting, and while the cameras whirl around us, we kiss, oblivious to the crowds walking by. Yeah. That was pretty much it. *sigh*

I've always heard people saying how the first kiss is usually awkward and not as romantic as you planned. I've also heard the same thing being said about the wedding night. Uh-uh, not true for me! There expect there to be none during the consumating of my marriage either. There will be no stigma, just lots of... Han, you really shouldn't be reading this blog.

Because I had finally been kissed, I finally experienced the enjoyment, began to miss it and it was easy to cave in to the request to be kissed on a first date with someone else 2 months later - something I had vowed against before. To be fair, we already knew each other fairly well, but had previously only "hung out" and that was the official first date.

This experience here, raises up the 2 issues I have been meaning to discuss.

Mormon Kissing: Church Tongue, Porno Tongue - oh, how about none at all?

My first kiss was with a non-member, my second kiss was with a member. I did not know what was appropriate in "Mormon Dating Culture". I let this second kiss take the lead and till today, it's still an argument if he brought in the tongue first or if I did. I swears he did. He swears it was me. Whatever it was, our first kissed determined the way we would kiss from then on.

We have been warned against kissing passionately. So, is tongue a serious no-no? One of the things that came up on our first date kiss, also, was WHEN DO WE STOP?! I had thought that when he wanted to kiss me that it would be like more of a plum (open mouthed, no tongue, lasting for just a second). Well, think of church tongue vs. porno tongue, minus the tongue part. It was what I had imagined proper Mormon kissing would be. Apparently he had other things in mind. I wasn't unfamiliar with that, so I played along.

Till today, I am still unsure of what "approriate Mormon kising" is exactly. Probably because nobody here ever practices it. Everybody seems to have their own opinions, and you just don't sit down to talk about how you would kiss before you do.

It's a very hard thing to control on your own. You may have a set idea of what you'd want to do, or not to do, but the person you are dating/kissing has alot to contribute to the do's and don'ts in your relationship/make-out session. Even though we are all of the same religion, there are still many little things we do differently. Add sexual attraction on top of all that and all you have is a whole confused bunch of [insert better word for horny here] college students.

Dating Who You Kiss and Kissing Who You'd Date.

That's taken a step down from marrying who you kiss and kissing who you'll marry, because, well, I have to lower my standards to justify my own actions, or I would never be able to live with myself...

They both go hand in hand to me. Dating and kissing, and yes, even marriage. In a way, I would love to save kissing for the one I'm going to marry. But I've failed to, thus far. I intend to try again, but I am not determined enough to promise that I won't kiss a guy I was interested in having a relationship with if the opportunity came up, even though I wans't sure that he was "the one". Remember: ex-Molly Mormon. Not a saint.

I have always been against NCMOs (non-commital make-out sessions - Mormon one-night stands, basically) and when I first heard of them I wouldn't believe that people here would actually do such a thing! "Who would do a stupid thing like that?" Imagine my horror when I found out that some of my own friends played spin the bottle here, recently, ON A SUNDAY!

I don't want to judge people who don't see kissing to mean much more than a physical act. Just because I take it very seriously, doesn't mean other people have to as well, right? Even though I want to scream "BURN IN HELL!", I really have to rethink my strategy. When I find out that someone is involved with something like that, I lose a little (ok, so maybe alot of) respect for them. Right now, I have to find a way to adjust that because too many people I know are disappointing me. Do I have to adjust my views just so I have room for my friends to belong?

Really though, I think that I am envious of their ability to separate the physical from the emotional. I know that I am incapable of doing that. That's why I vow to stay away. But like all my other previous "vows", I am not above being tempted to kiss someone just for the sake of being kissed.

Because I want every kiss I give to mean something, I have gotten into 2 relationships because I kissed them. It has become the norm for me, that kissing initiates relationships. It used to be to me that holding hands intiated relationships, and the kissing was additional later. To my second kiss though, a kiss was just a kiss - holding hands was special. That really confused me.

I think that at this point in my life, kissing and holding hands have been used interchangably. The way I look at it is that both are exclusive activities to me. I don't kiss multiple guys at a time. I don't hold hands with more than one guy at a time either and I expect the same from him (with guys and girls alike. He better not be kissing other guys while he kisses me!) That's why we have to be so careful who we kiss - you never know what exactly it meant to one another and you may be tied into relationships or problems you weren't really ready for or desiring at the moment.

Lowell L. Bennion (LDS) pointed out very wisely:

"Kissing is more stimulating than satisfying; consequently, it invites more and more. Once a couple begins to share affection in a kissing... or in other words, a physical...way, this activity tends to become the focus of interest. Often such a couple ceases to explore the other significant dimensions of personality: mind, character, maturity, religious faith, moral values, and goals.

Affection should grow out of genuine friendship and brotherly love, not precede them, if one wishes to be sure of having real and lasting love in marriage. Kissing for the sake of kissing invites more affection, and many fine young people become more deeply involved than they actually wish to be.

As a guiding principle, I suggest that affection, whether holding hands, walking arm in arm, or kissing, between a young man and woman be consistent in degree and character with the nature of their total relationship. Affection should never be sought after as an end in itself, because this does violence to a person. Let affection grow and flower gradually, as do buds, blossoms, and the fruit of a tree. Let it be a part of a larger, naturally developing relationship that has its roots in a rich companionship of the mind, character, and faith. When and if kissing comes into a relationship is dependent upon the nature and intent of that relationship.

It really gets to me that whenever our church leaders bring up kissing, it's always "passionate kissing". The words lust, necking, petting and then fornication follow soon after. Those are on the opposite end of the spectrum from pure love, affection, chastity and eternal marriage.

As much as I dislike how all these words are always associated with each other, I can't deny the fact that something we enjoy doing and do for fun do have eternal consequences, so we need to be careful with who, when, where and how we kiss.

Sheesh. All this talk about kissing only makes me miss it more. Forget getting married to have sex, I might just have to get engaged in order to get some lip action.

My gratitude goes to Hershey's for easing the abstinence process. Makes me wonder if the French chocolate is any better...

p.s. For those of us not planning to go to Fall ball, the Guest Services department of the Polynesian Cultural Center is holding a 2-night camp-out at Malaekahana Beach Park and we have been encouraged to invite our friends. One of the suggested games was spin the bottle. If you get me high enough on lack of sleep, I just might end up playing. Pick up will be by the little theatre from 7-8pm. See you there!

Kuni Movement

2004-11-17T23:37:00.000-10:00

Band Names is one of the best things you can be thinking of. I am always thinking about them. If someone says anything that might sound like one I am thinking of what kind of music they would be playing. Well I got a ton but I am sure you can think of some winners also.

bonus: If you can say what kind of music they play and what their hit song would be.

Let me start it.

Evil Beard
Golden Herashio
Wheel Chair Bandits

A wish to build a dream on

2004-11-17T23:32:00.000-10:00

Ok people Three wishes.

Rules
1. No more wishing for wishes
2. World peace not going to happen, don't bother
3. Let's keep this out of the love zone (how ever you take that then that's what I mean)
4. No army's of sick sadistic crazy crack monkeys in velvet robes ok. We all know that every one would go for this one first no use saying it

Blogger Symposium

2004-11-16T21:57:00.000-10:00

I was thinking that the Bloggers should get together and hold the first Caf symposium. The topic would be why we do what we do. We could film the thing and then burn it to dvd. Sound good anyone?

Medidations on Fall Ball

2004-11-16T15:56:00.001-10:00

Dating for fun. That is an oxymoron if I ever heard one. First of all dating is not fun, it never has been, nor ever will be. It can be rewarding, the reward being getting married, but I would not call it fun. Formal dances can be fun, but at this age and stage of my life, I would rather go with a significant female other instead of with just a friend to have a good time.

When you go with a friend just for fun the odds are 122,222,333,200 to one, that you will still be friends. Your relationship has not been enhanced any, and you are no better off for having gone with a friend. On the other had, going with someone that you have a relationship with is much more fun because if all goes well, the night can enhance your relationship and the two of you have made a memory that you can look back on for years to come.

Dating for fun should really be classified as hanging out. Hanging out really gets you nowhere fast. I have been to nowhere and there is not much to see or do, although there is this place that serves great omelets and pie. But beware! too many omelets can put your cholesterol through the roof.

Having said this, I probably not go to the ball. I would go if there were a special someone other then myself in my life. But until then, you can find me at the movies.

Dig down deep and find your inner masochist

2004-11-15T21:56:00.000-10:00

I believe we all have little one some where in us. There is something that most people find unpleasant or even painful, that other find enjoyable. The real question is what is yours.

I got two that I know pretty well.
1. When I do something active (wither it be the gym, rock climbing, or running) if I am able to push myself to the point where I want to cry.
2. I know it's sick but I like being shot down by attractive women that I don't know.

So what's yours?

Well it could be worse...

2004-11-15T16:00:00.000-10:00

Hm hmm... Well now that I have your attention I should probably take a moment to introduce myself, but I won't waste your time it's just good old Erika who has one to many opnions on everything.

Thank you Fei for the invite, Let the tyranny begin.

This week; Fall Ball

O-k we know the drama that accompanies such an event in fact bloggers in our group have already started to mention it, who to ask, (and how) what to wear (yes scoff away gentlemen) The social and romantic implications etc... Why bother bringing this up? Because it does concern one or two people and to alert the clueless who may just not know (or more likely don't care.) I have one or two things to say as general advice that no one needs to take (but probably should)...

1) If you want to go grab someone you will have fun with and enjoy.
a) If you don't want to go say so.

2) It's one night of the semester, This is a word of advice to the girls who will spend the passing days planning hair, clothes and make-up, your cute enough as it is, borrow a dress from a friend, grab another one for make-up and hair. and just in general help each other out. (oh wait that is what we normally do.)

3) It's one night. (let me reideriate) Unless your already on the path to the eternities, she probably isn't the mother of your future children. (Oh future rant from first date to eternal mate!) And girls once again DO NOT READ INTO ANYTHING. Our side of the species is notorious for such behaviour. Give it a break for an evening.

4) Have fun. please don't make me explain that one.

Now If my advice causes any akward horrible side effects, like your date reading into the fact you asked them etc... Direct them toward me and i will gladly find a salmon to hit them over the head with. (Or you could just be honest and explain yourself. (Yes it sucks to hurt people's feelings but it hurts more when you lead someone on.)

Well Peace and Love People!

Post Script Fall ball is next week on the 24th. But what good is it ranting about it the week of ???

Requiem et Strong Bad Computatus

2004-11-15T12:16:00.000-10:00

Today, November the 15th 2004, the world mourns the death of Strong Bad's Compy 386. Amen and amen.
Shem

Why Am I here???

2004-11-15T11:52:00.000-10:00

I spent two years trying to tell people the answer to the question,” Why am I here”? I did it with limited success but feel good about my efforts to answer those three big questions that Latter-Day Saints have answers to, and just can’t wait to invite their Non-Mormon friends and neighbors over to meet two nineteen year old know it alls to tell them the answers to questions that they may have never asked, nor even considered.

More specifically, why am I here in Hawaii? There are literally thousands of colleges and universities that are found in the mainland United States. I probably would have been accepted to any number of small schools, and by a miracle, not unlike the sun standing still or my brother’s gerbal coming back from the dead, could have gotten into a well known University. But I decided on doing something that relatively few people do, living their dream.

I was going to BYU Idaho, the Tehran of the church schools, and was not happy. I had tried everything that I had heard in John Bytheway tapes and books about trying to meet other people and make friends and had little to no success. I guess John just does not know really all that much after all.

I was really burnt out on Utah/Idaho Mormon culture. I am from Georgia and at first loved it, but after a while the culture had nothing left to offer. Any further attempts to fit in would have been like drilling wells in the Arabian Desert.

If you have watched “The Steppford” wives you can kind of get an idea of what it takes to fit into this version of Mormon Culture.

I needed to get out of Rexberg before I climbed the clock tower with a high-powered assault rifle under the impression that I was the angel death, and that the time of cleansing had arrived. For the safety of the school and myself, I decided that I needed to get away and seek greener pastures.

At the time when I came to the conclusion that I needed to transfer to a different school, there were several that I had in mind. But there were only two that were currently accepting applications. I sent applications to BYU in Provo, mostly to please my mom who wanted me to go there, and BYU-H. I knew that of the two I had the best chance of getting into Hawaii because my GPA was not competitive enough for Provo.

There are not many things that I have sincerely prayed for in my temporal life. I usually have had what I needed and gave thanks for that and didn’t think that I really needed to ask for anything above and beyond that. But this was different. I knew that I needed to go someplace else and asked my Heavenly Father that if it fit in with his plan, that he would prepare a way for me to get accepted. Shortly thereafter my prayers were answered. I got accepted to Hawaii. Provo sent me a kindly written letter of rejection saying that I was too stupid to attend their school.

Why am I here? Because this where God wants me to be right now. I have met people that I would not have met otherwise and have come to the great understanding that there is a whole world outside of Georgia, Utah, and Idaho. This also a great place to really discover who you are without the constant voices of conformity urging you to give in.
So that pretty much answers for now. I could not have imagined going anyplace else and am glad that I have had the privilege of going to school in a Tropical Paradise.

Come one come all...

2004-11-14T23:18:00.000-10:00

After reading my blog post “Go Home, Ha’ole…”, JD started to think about who came to this school and why. We began to talk about it. Chris Rusch who will be a contributor to this blog soon wrote a good post about it and will add it soon.

I think this topic is a no brainer for most of the IWES (International Work Experience Scholarship) students. They don’t have a ton of choices that are affordable and preferable. The scholarship is good and it’s a chance to see America (if you count Hawaii as part of it). This is especially the case for the members of the church in Polynesia and Asia. But what of the white folk from Utah? What brings them here?

As for me, I think it is clear that having served a mission here I have a fondness for the islands in my heart. When I came back to Arizona after my mission, I was quickly submerged in work and school. I was busy, fast. I was in plays, I was in institute videos. I was in my elder’s quorum presidency. I was getting recognized as that guy on KFYI. I had some good friends. I had enough money for what I really wanted. I had a car. I didn’t have too much happiness. I know, it’s a choice, but I was in a big ole’ rut.

My sister LaDawn, part time counselor full time psychic for me, was listening to me gripe and recommended to me I should get away. If I ever wanted to go to Hawaii again, it was my time to do it. So I prayed about it and here I am. I don’t think twice about my need to be here. But I do wonder about others. What in the world possesses these bleach blonde carbon copy girls from Provo to come here? I hope it’s not all about coming here to play. I get the feeling it is and the same goes for the shaggy dirty shampo-comercial-reject looking deadbeats from the same area.

When talking with some, they all seem to have a good story or one better than mine.

What brings you here?

Poll created and posted by Faye.

Where do you draw the line between witty and just plain cheesy?

2004-11-14T23:09:00.001-10:00

I have an excuse for not really knowing what constitutes humor and wit: I am not American! That having been said, I have exempted myself from the need to exercise intelligent humor. I will be the potty joke component of this blog - everyone else has no excuse! You better pull your weight!

The real issue here, ladies and gentlemen, is what we should name this blog.

We really don't have to keep the name 'The Cafeteria ~~Circular~~ Chronicle'. It was just something to start with since the cafeteria is a social setting here in school where we talk about all sorts of things there. I changed it from "The Cyber Caf" to this just because it sounds more professional. Ok, somebody give me a second opinion before I completely embarrass you with what I think is funny. I have a thing for alliteration, if you can't already tell. But really, is that even necessary?

What do you think would make a good name for this blog? What is your opinion of the current title? Could you post under such a heading? What else can we use as a theme besides food? Give me your suggestions. Your educated critique (did you like the way I said "critique"?) is very much welcome here.

While you're at it, what should the URL for this place be?

http://[insert your witty suggestion here].blogspot.com

That's it, ladies and gentlemen, in many words I have officially started our first discussion. Let the games begin!

[*cuts ribbon*]
[*fires gun*]

Yeah, yeah, you get the idea.

You asked for it

2004-11-14T23:09:00.000-10:00

Allright Nerd-on population. I am Shem, a stranger and a foreigner to the realm of your bloggy wasteland. I have been invited to inject some of my superior insights into the electronic bloodsteam so many of you are hooked to, so prepare to get poemed. I wrote this about the Upstanding Youth/ Mr. Fusion concert incident. Brace yourself.

There was a hard thing within me
Twisted black sweating hollow full of poisonsmoke
And crawled I to the closest row
My grey heart weakly beating
My grey heart clouded and tired
I had paid five dollars for Gilead’s balm.

A man came, and wound a wire around his lightning rod
And plugged a microphone to the wire
And the seed of despair within me was struck by the lightning

Raging harmony came down from the sky came up from the earth I can fly so I fly joy madness o’ertakes me till I’m blind and can’t breathe full of thunder from the hearts of the angels.

In anthems
Bright anthems
Sacrosanct irreverence
Turns me around and over and over
I am immune to nothing, the universe flows through me
Nations rise to join me
We sink but we rise, over and over
Keeping time is a saint spinning a drumstick around his finger
And the air around me is fire
Penetrating, reverberating, influence of Dionysus if he were not fallen.
Come minstrels, your birdsong is welcome, and I
I will lead the dance.

And full, filled, at last all is quiet
I overflow in the immensity of everything that is pure
The wind blows the night between my fingers
I find God in the darkness, and so I find the light.

That's the poem. If my literary nerdiness is incompatible with the gigadweeb strain, make it known and I will turn my back forever on this dusty crossroads of the information superhighway, never to return. Peace
OMEGA SHEM DRAGONFLY
Poet, Roachslayer and Toastburner First Class

Top 5 reasons why you should join this blog.

2004-11-14T14:01:00.000-10:00

1) Because a beautiful girl invited you to.

3) If it's good enough for Judge and Erika, it should be good enough for you.

2) College + Religion + Thinking + Blogging = A smarter you!

4) This blog will make you rich and famous! Well, except for the part where you don't get money - or fame...

5) Uncle Sam is just too sexy to resist.

How can you even think of denying him?